Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Garth Brooks has it right when he says some of Gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. (you're singing, aren't you??) 

I'm grateful He didnt answer mine.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not grateful to Him because I still don't have children. I'm grateful because He knew. He knew who I was with, and He knew this man wasn't the right man for me or my future children. 

My wedding and my husband where everything I had ever dreamed of. We did it the 'right way' or so I thought. We met on a blind date through mutual
friends. We hit it off. One date turned into the next and so on. Late night phone calls, stories, you name it.  We never lived together before tying the knot. We could have but we knew the statistics, (and we were both Catholic- if you're Catholic, I'm certain you know all about that old Catholic guilt!) so he had his place uptown and I had my cute little starter home in Lake Wylie. We dated almost 2 years before he popped the question. Again, I thought we were doing it right. 

We were engaged on 11/28 - ironically this would become our house number a few years later. We were married on Saturday, July 16, 2005. My father's birthday. My father passed away from cancer right after my 14th birthday. What better way to keep his memory alive than getting married on his birthday. 

His birthday is still July 16; my anniversary no longer exists. 

Our Honeymoon- Alaska because a beach was boring and for 'normal' couples. We were going to break the mold. 

What I didn't expect was for him to break my heart or his current wife to
break up our marriage. 

I have laughed,
I have cried,
I have lost sleep,
I have cried,
I have secluded myself,
I have cried,
I have seen a therapist,
I have cried,
I have sat with my girls and 'plotted' my revenge,
I have cried,

I still cry now, but it's different. Life is unpredictable. I have no
clue where I'm headed or where I'll find myself. What I do know is that my heart has mended and I'm much stronger than I ever realized. 

Monday, May 13, 2013

My story

I follow a few blogs, I enjoy them.  After reading a friend's where her latest post encourages people to tell their story, I'm going to make a feeble attempt at mine. It may not be in order, it may not make sense, but it's mine. I have nothing to hide, no secrets to keep and people may not like me in the end, but, this is my story to tell and I'll tell it my way.

4 years ago, I was a wife. 
I was "happily" married; I was 32.
I was battling infertility.
I was on an adoption journey.
I was a full time 5th grade teacher.
I was in a masters program at Winthrop University.
I had a husband who was beyond supportive- or so I was led to believe.
I spent many nights begging and bargaining with God to make me a mom.

I thought I was in it for the long haul with the man I pledged my life to in front of God, our family, and our friends.  I would have moved heaven and earth for my husband and the children who were waiting for us.

What I didn't know was that I was on this journey alone..... my husband a fake, my marriage far from what I thought.

I am now 36.
I am divorced.
I am still infertile.
My adoption journey has been put on hold indefinitely.
I am still a full time 5th grade teacher.
I have a Graduate degree in Education (through it all, I graduated with a 4.0 by the way)
My ex-husband has a new wife.
I lie awake at night thanking God for His unanswered prayers.

I am no longer on this journey alone.

Everything I am is OK and I am OK with everything.

I am infertile.
I am infertile.
I am infertile.
I am infertile.

It has taken me a long time to own it...


but I am far from broken.